Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
