There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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