they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
