just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
