Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
