Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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