Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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