I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
