So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
