he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
