He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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