Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Buhtt sex?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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