I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
