you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
