I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
