just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can text with my tongue
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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