based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
