We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
