eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
