In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
