you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
3pm strippers are depressing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
