I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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