he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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