My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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