i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
