it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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