i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
