oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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