Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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