Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
