if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
