My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will pee on everything he values.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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