I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
