with your own penis?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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