Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize