what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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