Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
