im having a threesome with these popsicles
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
