we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
areolas are like halos for boobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
