so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The power of my boobs compel you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
