I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
