you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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