My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
