Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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