Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
