even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
