I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
