It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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