It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
