I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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