Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize