i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
