If that was your dad, he is hot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
