hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
