People in love make me want to vomit
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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