So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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