you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
