My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize