Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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