i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
