I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My bed smells like the plague
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
