They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
