i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
