Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
