even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
