I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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