hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
