You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
