may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
