Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
