Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
