You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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