And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
