his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
