just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I could fuck to npr.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
