Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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